18.9.06

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

I am absolutely aching tonight. It's partly due to Bucket. She's not irritating me or anything, but she's having a bad night herself and that seems to color me a shade of blue I don't like very much. But it makes me soul sick and it makes me reel and it makes me hate this town and all the fuckers who've lost my phone number over the years.

Not that it should. I should be so comfortable that these folks are gone. The only issue is that I still sometimes think I can stack up bodies and build a wall where I'll never be lonely or sad. I did this with folks for a long time. I purged awhile back and kept the true blankets, the folks who really did keep out the cold, but I still pray for some safety in numbers. I wrote three lines to a song this evening and quit. When I'm writing I try to keep the house quiet. I try not to pollute the idea and steal more than I mean to, but now it's just too damned quiet.

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