Sorry Jay and Gail and RD- I already beat y'all up with this.

I tend to shy from the political posts. I tend to hate that side line speculation, it's impotent and for me, a waste of energy; but then all this is, I suppose, and if you can't say something nice then shout.

All the talk turns to barn locking after the horse is gone; gun control and the role of the media ad nauseam. To me, none of this matters. If the why could possibly prevent some horrible happening from ever dancing out of the darkness again I guess I'd care some, but it won't. If we didn't have video games or violent movies we'd watch each other fight-ever seen someone get hit in a bar? A bloody accident? The most ardent pacifist can't take their eyes off of it. If we all had guns some one would shoot first and if none of us had guns we'd use rocks and knock each others teeth out. Perhaps we could limit the body count, but that's a red herring. Loss is always intensely personal; loss is like love and we stand alone in it. I grieve for all of those who lost someone at Virginia Tech, but individually. None of their pain would diminish had fewer passed.

We enjoy the body count like we revel in the arrogance that our children are the worst generation to ever breathe. We're not. They're not. I don't think video games or CSI: Las Vegas can change what we are and what we, as a species, have always been. We have My Lai and those killing fields, we have the crusades, we have the Battle of Changping and the Holocaust. We have inherited our violence as our birthright, from the September Massacres to the Rosewood Massacre, from the Bromberg Bloody Sunday to Wounded Knee; from the Bonus March to the Bath School Massacre (incidentally sporting a body count topping our most recent and making liars out of many pundits, reporters and general commentators). History won't stand up to the whitewash we give it and we're all guilty.

Individuals kill. (James Edward Pough, Colin Ferguson) Groups kill, Churches kill, governments kill, Terrorists kill, patriots kill, fundamentalists kill, postal workers kill, students kill. We are killers.

That's what we are. folks who kill and then stand around being shocked by it all. As long as we can point at everyone else or some fucked up kid and feel scared but safer because they are the Other (a phenomenon responsible for countless killings, lynchings and genocides) then we're insulated from it and we can sit here and talk about it and the causes while we debate the ethics of a goddamn war-a war, a fucking mass murder for shits sake, over what? And don't say freedom because killing for an idea is still fucking killing.

We're killers and either it's all wrong or it's not. I don't see middle ground and I don't want to talk about it anymore. Hate that Cho kid, fine, but hate yourself right with it. We're in this together.

Suicide's violence, too-at whatever pace. Time for a smoke.

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