2.10.07

I have the best map of the entire world ever made. It's life sized.

This will be slow. If you lack the patience or expect the voice of a younger man, leave now. Click here: it will take you to many better places and thoughts that live nearer you.

I keep thinking over and over that this is not a thought any more than Magritte's pipe was a pipe. The issue growing from this simple statement is the space between the thought and this. And then the distance to you. And then the unknown territory it may or may not explore within you. That's a lot of landscape and more places to get lost than I could imagine or want to. I repeat myself a lot thinking I'm giving better directions. I'm not. I'm throwing thought at fingers and that mess at this server and then letting you go wherever you want with it. More words in an effort to control it would be as effecatious as using steel shavings to grease the locks.

But I get through every here and there and find out that it's as big a shift internally as I hoped it would be. That doesn't belong here. That sentence means nothing to what I'm trying to communicate, but I want it here never the less. I ate my Veggies.

There is distortion in the meta-model, which will be true even if the entire NLP movement is shallow and planted in some bog. Rice grows well there, and some truths are rice or bamboo. They don't need much. Either way, you can find out more about the deliberate manipulation of actual thought in an endeavor for a greater manipulation here, "to me it is a prison.." Either way I am not at arms with the idea of distortion or, for that matter, some approach that welcomes the space between us as a very real participant in communication. In fact I'm finding that, my opposition to the application aside, these things that we bring to the relation between object and symbol are often more real and more enemies to communication (practically and conceptually) than the language involved, the pictures drawn or the feelings that serve as parents to the ideas.

But this is all gobble-dee-gook and big, stupid words. I'm avoiding things lately and it's in large part because I can not take myself out of the exchange or ask that of anyone else. Is that concise? Because none of this is personal. None of this is violent or aggressive. It's maybe one of my more passive choices. It's not that I am not interested in a particular thing-it's deeper; it's that we cannot agree on what the thing is we're talking about.

It comes up in all my relationships and within myself. It's alive in the useless games I play in my head. It's sometimes venom in my job and salve when confronted with things I don't want to understand. It's in my cowardice and my bravest days. I spend hours defending function over form but never fail to demand an aesthetic; a certain arch of the back and angle of agreement with me. Funny, yes? Isn't that need to be understood somehow a reluctant groom to the script in my head of how you'll understand?

Isn't it sidesplitting how much I need to be understood? So passionately that I let it hurt you. So out of focus that I let it look bigger or smaller than it is even to me. So crazy and whirling in scope that I let it look like a need to be right. I sacrifice the object for the symbol, my notion of the appropriate reaction.

But

I'm well away from where I started, and worse yet, where I meant to be. I started here: "I keep thinking over and over that this is not a thought any more than Magritte's pipe was a pipe." Oh, yeah and my map of the world. I can't share it and I can't fold it and I can't show it to you. I normally just bitch and whine here about that inherent space between us and how separate we all are no matter what we do, but I've experienced other things and I'm here to say to you: I will not stop trying to fold this thing. I know, way beyond logic or possibility that I can fit this in your pocket.

Did any of this make sense?

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