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I'm going to try not to bitch. I'm going to be calm. The thing is that I'm doing everything I know how and I'm still not good enough. I work hard. I practice when I can. I'm fixing the house. I own a house I can afford. I have savings. I paint and plant and I patch. I get out to see my friends when I can and feel good enough-not enough, I know. I try to see the family. I try to eat ok. I try to get some exercise, to not be lazy, to get in all the things I need to, to get my work done. I try to think about the things I say and the way I act. I try to be thoughtful. To make my phone calls. To get things done. Keep the house clean. Take care of the dogs.

But I still feel things I can't control from anger to sadness. I think that I'm pensive and intelligent, but I can't figure out what and why things keep me separate and sometimes sad. The things that make me get stuck on things and worry.

Any body out there? any one else overwhelmed with all the shit you have to do just to hold one little life together? Anyone else just kinda opposed to everything and they don't know why?

Either way, this isn't great time spent. I should be doing something else besides sitting on the couch typing and sweating out life. I could doing other things that don't involve sitting here feeling like poop and breathing through my mouth.

Gotta go.

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