25.11.07

I hate to say the same things, but it beats silence.

I am rapidly approaching 9000 tunes in iTunes. I will likely load songs to that amount this evening. It's somehow important to me on some level. Among things that are important to me lately:

My job goddammit. That's a big 'un. I can't seem to be caught up.

Stax/Motown songs. A lot lately.

Jen. Shit, she's crazy. But fun.

Practice I don't get. I need to re commit to this writing daily thing. I was for a long while. Now, well, not so much. I got some things written, but nothing worked out and nothing edited. That's a frustration, but not one I can't fix.

I did start reading again. I think I've somehow staved the lobotomy that was threatening me for so long. When you don't care you shut down. I spent some time not caring about much at all. It's a lot easier than picking yourself to pieces or admitting that you're not the man you should be. there are some pretty nasty drawbacks to numb, but it works in a pinch. As do chemicals. I'm not relying on those, either. This is lucid and sometimes painful, but ultimately rewarding. I like how my head works when I work it. I'm back.

One of these days I'm gonna call everyone for a drink. I miss you. I want to be around. I have some things in my head that need to get out and the time to get to them needs to be made. I've been thinking a lot about taking some time off to try and do some things I love. The burnout factor is high with life right now.

I hope I'm able to learn to burn quietly and take care of what I need to without taking it personally and hard. I can't steer trains and I can't make life what I want it to be through wishing or will.

Again-See you soon.

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