29.2.08

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Originally uploaded by The Kevin Trudo
Glad I took this and I didn't know why just then, but this is an instrument that is a little homeless just now- we gave the piano away. I liked the piano, It wasn't good for much, but I liked it. Ahh. Shit dies. New shit comes along. Such is life. For now the little fiddle stands in a corner hoping someone who can play it worth anything comes along. Twice neglected and now suffering this indignity.

Tonight is a good night. I'm pondering and wondering about all the world and the 8 million posts that are in my head uninvited.

First post: My adversarial view of the world of late. I feel like I'm paring things down to simplest and best. To what I need and what I want and I'm protective. Of my girl and of this home and he dogs and the life I'm in and continually building. It just might have something to do with the small person in the house. She's not mine. Hell, she has a wonderful father. He does well. I don't need to take that role, nor could I ever. But I do know all the time that she's here and that this place needs to be safe and that she's watching.There's no excuses or do-overs here, I have to be a better man. That's a challenge for me and an amazing opportunity. I heard it in Atlanta a few weeks ago: "don't worry that they never listen, worry that they're always watching."

Second post: Taking pictures is harder than playing music. There's so much to be aware of and so many variables and so much intuition and fuzzy logic in there. I would imagine that I'm just where the learning curve is very high, but there's the settings of the camera and the crazy tricks god plays on you with light and the constant shift of human point of view and the challenge of the shaky hands. It's not something I know how to fudge. Maybe someday. I would love to know some tricks like the fills I can always fall back on.

Third post: Well, there's where I started with this and where it was supposed to go, with the way time runs you around. There's the other quote that sticks in my head like spiderwebs, another one from Atlanta: "How can you expect to be a leader when you can't lead yourself?" Self control. Discipline. Fore thought. Patience. Kindness when you don't want to be. The quote I keep finding myself saying over and over and over at work this week-and this one from me-"It doesn't matter who They are, it matters who I am."

Y'all remember that. You can't fix me or them or the man in the moon; you're the variable in the situation.

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