23.11.10

I'm gonna be the unpopular sumbitch.

First, domestic violence is terrible. It's terrifying.


The extension of that to murder is something beyond terrifying. It's evil. It's evil, however because it is wrong to hurt and kill other people...not just women. Sometimes, the story isn't just the story.


Justin Boulay killed his girlfriend in February of 1997. She had broken up with him
 the previous December and after a confrontation about her dating he strangled her with a phone cord. He called his parents and confessed..was convicted in 1999 and sentenced to 24 years. Well, he got out after 12 and the world is angry. I dunno about the world, but I'm reading about folks in Illinois and Hawaii being pretty perturbed.


I do not forgive, but then it's not my place to. The thing is, he lost it, at 20 years old, away at school. People do that. I've not read of a history of violence or a single accusation of previous domestic abuse. I am gonna guess I'll be the asshole who says it, but shouldn't some body be allowed to live out his life with the way with this on their terms? Is a longer jail sentence going to bring Andrea Faye Will back? You know the answer. Nothing will.


What Justin did is permanent. He's has 12 years to think about it. Most people are pissed off that he didn't serve the full sentence - he served half as an old statute allowed for a day off the sentence for every day of good behavior. By my simple math, he must have had pretty much every day be a day of good behavior.


I'm not saying any of this is right. I'm not saying this isn't sad...what I am saying is that there is a possibility that a man killed someone in a moment of passion. That he knew it, regretted it and is trying to live with it. That it won't ever happen again.


There's an amazing string of comments here. The author of the posts refers to Justin as "jerkface" - an emotive parlance that does nothing to serve this issue any longer. In the comments he is referred to as a "Monster" and an "evil sick bastard". The blogger here (I also linked to another blog post of his above) also finds the issue pretty black and white.


The mother of the victim, Patty Rosenberg, is widely quoted as saying “I am shocked more value was put on his life than my daughter’s.”  and "for myself and my family, it has been a complete and total injustice since the day he was arrested. It's just such a slap in the face."


Me? I don't know. I don;t think continuing to be angry helps. I know, I'm a prick for saying it, but maybe Jay knows what he did. Fully realizes it. Maybe there's a chance for him to do some good. I hope so. 


Anyone wanna bitch at me, that's cool. Jay - you wanna share? I'll listen. kt at thekevintrudo dot com. 


Full disclosure on this: I grew up with Jay and his family. We were not close,but my sister was friends with his and we shared rides to school. My parents were friendly with his. I remember him and he'd remember me. I know this colors this. What I can say authoritatively is that Justin Boulay is neither a monster nor an evil, sick bastard. 


At least he wasn't then. 


Fuck. Man. We never wanna heal, do we? We wanna pick that scab....and I know why. I think I do. I think it's the same shitty reasons we cling to doctrines and religions: It helps us sleep at night. The real issue is that we don't want to believe in our own possibility. We just want to believe in our own goodness. 


I'm out. Jay - I'm pulling for you. To the family you split up: I wish I had words that would salve. I know nothing will. I can't imagine. My most intense and deepest condolences. Please, try to see yourself to healing...to something to hope for. It may seem impossible, but maybe even forgiveness.

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